More often lately I just want to write in order to leaven any feeling that I might be getting a little too lost in this new course in my life. Outward praise from other people is what's key here, because if I wasn't hearing so often the things I am now, I wouldn't feel like it's leading to some bigger thing that I need to stay on guard for without any reprieve. Imagining a time in the future when things will feel as more of a plateau. But that's a ways off.

And more specifically, I only want to write here, where it's open enough for people to find it, but not open enough for them to make certain connections.

I need to find more the motivation to get back to my older hobbies and habits, while still maintaining whatever mental pressure I have for something I'm being told could honestly change my life.